True Believers, Doubt, and Clubs I Don't Belong To

I watched Food Inc. over the weekend while devoted partner went to see Avatar (the key to a successful relationship is knowing how to consume media alone that your partner would sooner swallow his own tongue than consume with you and vice versa). If you've read The Omnivore's Dilemma you don't need to see this film (and if you haven't read it, you should). I really liked the book. I mean really liked it. Liked it enough to change my eating habits. Really. And I liked the author, Michael Pollan, for taking the time to research and put together a compelling, intelligent book about an important issue.

Well that was then and this is now.

Remember that South Park episode where everyone gets a Prius and can't get enough of the scent of his own flatulence?...

Well Pollan has gone from someone who wrote a book I liked to someone I cringe at when I see on television. It honestly doesn't help that he looks like a proto-Trotsykite, but he comes across as someone who doesn't allow for modifications to his ideas. Like someone who is convinced that his way is the only way for everyone everywhere and that people who don't agree are not only wrong, but dangerous. He comes across like a...

like a...

like a conservative republican.

For my part, let me say that I don't want to eat cloned food or GMO food or food that comes from McDonald's. Some of these things have good reasons, others don't, but they're my reasons (which devoted partner is sadly subject to more often than perhaps he would like) and I'll live by them. Unless we are ok with the death by starvation of lots and lots of people (Indians, Africans, etc.), we're going to have to come to terms with the fact that GMO food allows us to literally MAKE FOOD WHERE ONCE THERE WAS NO FOOD. I'm sure if you ask a starving person to choose between no food and cloned food, the person will choose cloned food. Even if, ultimately, science points out that this was the wrong decision, for the time being, those are the choices. For poor people. Chalk up another win for being not poor. And frankly, it smacks a little of paternalism to tell poor hungry people that the food we COULD give them is bad and ruins the environment and causes a whole host of problems. That starving poor person DOES NOT CARE. Pollan's argument that we SHOULD pay more for better food is only compelling if you have that option.

So here's the problem: I am a pretty liberal person. I agree with Michael Pollan about a lot of things. But I am unwilling to blindly follow him when I disagree with some of his points. Furthermore my disagreement with some of his points does not mean I don't find MOST of his points highly agreeable. Yet my disagreement with some of his points can lead his opponents to show that there is dissension in the ranks. Dissension, even measured, open-to-debate, searching dissension is a sign of weakness. The traditional wisdom (or traditional politics these days) stipulates that unless you can get on board 100% with your talking head of choice, his message isn't strong enough. Any disagreement discredits him.

Which brings me to the clubs I don't belong to. Spend fifteen minutes with me and you'll probably come away from it realizing I don't like groups. In fact, you might determine that I hate groups. That I think groups are the root of most evils. That were we to come up with a Linnaeus system for culture, mine would look like this: Human -> American -> Dalton Alum. Those are about the only three groups I am comfortable belonging to (an argument could be made for New Yorker, but again, seeing as that, of necessity, includes people from the non-Manhattan boroughs - ok, so I could include Manhattanite, but that would, of necessity, include people like the characters from Sex & the City - see how it gets complicated?). I might agree with a majority of the democratic platform, I might be a registered democrat, but I would never define myself as Democrat. Because in doing so I am telling people something about myself that isn't true: that my identity is mightily impacted by participation in that group. That I see my identity through the lens of that group. See also: feminist, environmentalist, libertarian, jew, liberal, etc.

A lot of this is probably narcissism of the no group defines me I am unique and special unto myself variety, but I spent too much time growing up being part of groups without a choice and I saw exactly how much time was spent ensuring that members of said group remained members of that group. That the primary aim of the group was to remain a group. It didn't take long for me to call shenanigans on that. (It was the same feeling I got when I worked for a non-profit, but my boss refused to take public transportation and instead charged her cabs to the organization - another 30 bucks not used for its mission.)

And this pains me. It pains me because I think Michael Pollan is more right than wrong. Hell, I think President Obama is more right than wrong, but because I, knowing full well that my lack of full-throated support (on the macro level) is ultimately detrimental, can't seem to muster the strength to jump on the bandwagon, I fear that the things I believe in are destined to fail because the opposition is so incredibly willing to blind itself for its causes.

And just to go back to Food Inc. for a second. The moment that really got me, that really really made me shit-tossing mad was this: a statistic was quoted that in 1970 (or 1972) the USDA made something like 25,000 inspections of meat processors and in 2006, they made 9,000 something. In the VERY NEXT SCREEN, we were told that in 1970 (or 1972) there were over 1,000 companies processing meat and that in 2006 something like 98% of all meat was processed by 4 companies. Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait...

OF COURSE THERE WERE FEWER INSPECTIONS IF THERE WERE FEWER COMPANIES DOING THE JOB! I MEAN OF COURSE! IN FACT IF ONLY FOUR COMPANIES WERE INSPECTED 10,000 TIMES, THOSE COMPANIES WERE ACTUALLY INSPECTED MORE FREQUENTLY IN 2006 THAN IN 1970!

[end crazy]

Yeah, what I just said does nothing to excuse the meat companies from continuing to turn out tainted meat, but the statistic that was supposed to make me gasp in horror, was just plain misleading. The kind of misleading bullshit that the right uses ALL THE FLIPPING TIME. I just can't get on board with that. And the fact that a documentary whose sole aim was to say things I agree with would resort to such intentionally clumsy and lazy crap made me want to cram out of season strawberries down my gullet like they were going out of style just for spite. Counterproductive, I know.

So in short, my dear friends, and those new enemies I've picked up in the last paragraphs, I have a Caesar's Wife Should Be Beyond Reproach problem, and it prevents me from getting on board with groups, both formal and informal, whose platforms I agree with. And if I'm having this problem, I suspect others are too. It might be the reason why the left is always accused of being all over the place. We are. Nuance is our vice. Doubt our bedfellow. But I don't think the answer, the long-term answer, is to become as imprecise and disingenuous as the right can be. I'd like to posit an alternative, but I sadly don't have one at the moment. I'm working on it.

Monday Nopropos

I had some capital-letter-type entries brewing in my mind, but when reviewing them, they sounded really high falutin' and have been abandoned to the trash heap of my brain. I give you instead some easily digestible bites.

Happy birthday Antonio. You are good friend, a loyal reader, and deliverer of much unsolicited advice. May your less-geographically-impaired-than-we-are friends fete you in a manner becoming a man of your stature.

In the absence of HGTV, I have needed a new brainless channel. Thank you G4 for stepping up to the plate. And knowing thyself. While boycotting the cold, I was able to watch their aptly named Junk Food TV which included such hits as Ninja Warrior (which I would argue is not junk food television at all, but you could respond that the Women of Ninja Warrior shows hosted by a Playboy playmate were not amply nutritious - and you'd be right), Cops, and like Cops but different: Campus PD. Devoted partner feels bad for the cops on Campus PD because they try to arrest mouthy undergrads who have a vague understanding of their rights as opposed to the cops on Cops who arrest crystal meth addicts who have a vague understanding of nothing.

Much like the scene in The World is Not Enough where the guy from Trainspotting knows Pierce Brosnan's shoulder hurts because the French girl from Braveheart told him and so the Trainspotting guy exerts pressure on Pierce's bad shoulder, I think EA Active knows that my knees wobble and make funny sounds on the best of days and has therefore made me do a truly unnecessary number of lunge-type activities so that I will make little bitch noises all day when going up and down stairs. Way to be sadistic, Wii.

And, in a truly lame segue, I draw your attention to a posting on a favorite blog (that you should not go to if you are at work) that compares house hunting to consumption of pornography. I would go on to add that as a former watcher of HGTV, it should be noted that when prepping houses for sale, all of the professionals transform people's normal homes into creepy carbon copies of one another by means of PotteryBarnification - so it's not your imagination.

Finally, I have decided that, as part of my Road to DSLR, I will remember how lenses work by taking my old-school SLR out for a spin. Now I just have to figure out if places (not B&H) even sell film anymore.

Sorry for the assortment-type post. I will endeavor to find common threads tomorrow.

Traffic Laws

The first time I sat behind the wheel of an automobile it was on the corner of 87th Street and 3rd Avenue. I was 17. I learned to drive on the upper east and west sides of Manhattan with a driver's ed teacher. I took my driving test in Queens. Until I was 21 years old, I had never driven on a highway.

This is what it's like to grow up in Manhattan.

But I liked driving and, after a summer driving around Europe, I was pretty decent at it. Highways? No problem. (Unless speeding is a problem.) Paris at rush hour? No problem. It's kind of like Manhattan driving but with circles. The one area where I had both little experience and little talent was suburban driving for the simple reason that I had never done it.

So I won't lie, I was a little apprehensive about being a daily suburban driver. But, like with many other things, after you do it enough, it becomes second nature.

Almost.

You see, there are rules I have never had to learn and so I might be committing a variety of ticketable infractions on a daily basis.

This morning, it snowed. Now my brain knows that during precipitation, you turn your lights on. However, my car has daytime running lights. Are those sufficient for inclement driving or do I need to turn on my night lights? Would I get pulled over and given a ticket for failure to do so? Could I plead ignorance of the differences between daytime and nightttime lights?

Similarly we have a number of unfamiliar stoplights in town that I am fairly certain I am not using correctly. The configuration is thus: one red light atop two sets of yellows and greens, one of the greens is a turn signal. While the red light is still illuminated the green turn signal light will also go on, signaling that cars in that specified lane can turn. Ok. Fine. Easy. However, what happens next is incredibly confusing. The red light will go out; the green turn light will go out; and the other green light will go on. Now I know this means that cars in the non-turning lane are now free to go. But does it mean a)that cars in the turning lane are also free to go provided there are no oncoming cars or b)cars in the turning lane may no longer go. I happen to believe that the latter explanation is stupid as it would allow cars in the turning lane a mere 10 seconds per light change to participate in forward movement, so I assume the former. And I don't know if I'm just biding my time until I get a moving violation (don't even get me started on the scenario when it's a right-turn signal at an intersection where cars CAN go right on red. What the hell is the point of a dedicated turn signal when cars in that lane can pretty much go WHENEVER there's an opening?)

The stoptionals I engage in on a daily basis? These I know are wrong, but my neighborhood is generally empty and I really don't feel compelled to come to a complete stop at EVERY corner when a slight 5 MPH pause is more than enough to ascertain if cars are coming in the other directions. But these others... I won't lie, I get a little stressed out.

So if the Greenwich and/or Port Chester cops are reading this (as I know they are huge fans), if you see me break the law in front of you, could you please cut me some slack and understand that even though I now have a CT driver's license, it should, in no way, indicate that I am fully conversant in your ways. After all, while there are many of your mores that elude me, I am fully aware that the speed limit in Manhattan is 35 MPH. And that's not nothing.

I Am So Pleased To Have Become Apolitical

These days, I get my news from Jon Stewart. I'm not going to be proud or ashamed of this, it's just the way it is. My general stress level is down, I think (I used to also get my news from Bill Maher, but we decided against premium cable in the new house because there was still never anything on). Oh, from time to time, I'll lazily scan the New York Times, but I feel like if anything truly important happens, someone will be sure to tell me. Crap, that's a lie. I listen to 1010WINS in the car but that is only because metro fm radio stations are such crap. If it's really important, I feel like 1010WINS might mention it.

I bring this up because, after his traditional holiday hiatus, Jon is back, filling me in on the things I've missed. The Daily Show pokes a lot of fun at Fox News and I generally laugh along, but it's the laugh of the uninitiated. Because, I've never watched Fox News. Never. To be fair, I've also never watched MSNBC. When I really need a fix, my channel has always been CNN, and one of the reasons I no longer watch television news is that CNN has turned into such utter crap, I no longer have the time to sit through the 55 minutes per hour of lame prattle in order to discover the 5 minutes of news. I guess if it was really important to me I'd watch BBC International news, oh, but wait, the Cablevision Suck Monolith does not think I deserve BBC channels.

I digress.

Sort of.

So, here's the thing. Do the commentators on Fox News actually behave the way they do in the Daily Show clips all the time? Does Glenn Beck make it a habit to fake choke up and cry on air when he laments the end of days we are living through? Really? That's almost commendable. Grown men crying is certainly entertainment. But, do the viewers who agree with him (for the moment let me not judge them) think he's real crying, or do they understand it is fake crying and are ok with that because it's fake crying to prove a point? Cause his acting acumen might be sub-Peter North (shout out to my college roommates - you know what you did).

I do have concerns, though, about my newspeople making a habit of ostentatiously emoting, though. Will this bleed into news I might watch? I can't really get behind Tom Brokaw or Brian Williams or, even Wolf Blitzer breaking down in the middle of a newscast. Now, if I understand correctly, Glenn Beck's show is not a newscast, more of a (hell, I don't even know how to categorize it - frankly all the cable "news" shows are confounding. What are they?) newsy program, so perhaps he can get away with things that anchormen could not, but then I guess I would ask for the cable news networks to hire, well, actors. My feelings on having actors be president (not with any decision-making power, mind you, just the speaking figure-heads for the shadow government; cause actors can read off scripts well, project their voices, seem interested and engaged) are well known, but perhaps we need them to deliver our news, commentary, and newsertainment as well because at least their feigned righteous indignation would seem real.

Water Politics

Ah, summer camp, my first encounter with the others - people mostly like me who grew up in a strange netherworld known as suburbia. You were a fascinating bunch, most especially because you found me such an anomaly: when not asking if I was your counselor (I wasn't) you were inquiring after my safety in the dangerous streets of New York. And yes, while the Koch/Dinkins years did have their share of, well, crack, I found your wide-eyed disbelief that I had never been a victim of a violent crime charming. I thought you all were so sheltered...

Now devoted partner, a suburban boy himself, has a theory about New Yorkers which I have heard so many times (and find so boring and "look at me, I watch science documentaries") that I cannot believe I am about to repeat it, but here goes: New Yorkers are like deep-sea creatures; perfectly at home in an environment that would kill normal underwater creatures and unable to survive anywhere else. Blah blah blah. Ten years that boy spent in Manhattan and still asked me questions about which subway line to take (whereas I have perfectly adapted to my new environment if you don't count asking him to check my tire pressure, go into the attic because it's gross up there, and being indignant that the people who pick up our trash want to be PAID for the service - that's what municipal coffers are for).

But I am learning that my sophisticated urban upbringing sheltered me from what I fondly refer to as reality. I know my suburban friends will bear with me as I share a fascinating thing with my city friends: hot water runs out!

I'm not talking about when your landlord posts a notice in the elevator telling you that they are working on the boiler and there will be no hot water from 10:00am-4:00pm; nor am I talking about some bizarre confluence of events where, if you flush the toilet while the kitchen sink is on, the hot water will temporarily disappear (or appear with vengeance). No, I'm talking about taking a shower and suddenly noticing the water is getting colder; adjusting the temperature and realizing that you have a finite amount of hot water, and it has run out.

And I'm not taking what I would consider superlong showers. After all, I have to wash my hair with shampoo twice, condition, wash the rest of me, wash out the unmentionables, finger comb my hair, and then rinse everything. Also, there's that 2 minutes at the beginning of the shower when you are adjusting in the temperature and reveling in the warmth. I reckon I have about 8 minutes with which to do this. It's not a lot of time. I remember growing up, my mother would always complain about how long I spent in the shower, but those were the "learning about your body" years and she should have damn well understood. This is not about that.

This is about, occasionally, wanting a leisurely shower, perhaps with devoted partner, who mumbles something about the temperature of the boiler, but I'm really not listening because HOT WATER SHOULD NOT RUN OUT! God help me the times I have forgotten this and gotten in the shower while either the dishwasher or washing machine was running.

Now, to pull this back around, I am reminded of summer camp, where, from time to time, there was no hot water in the showers. I don't remember why this was, but my guesses range from we were in the middle of nowhere and I'm surprised we had clean running water to begin with to it was an intentional deprivation by the rulers of Zionist summer camp to remind us that our ancestors spent 40 years wandering the dessert where, presumably, a shower was an undreamed of luxury. What I do remember was putting on my bathing suit, packing up my toiletries, and heading to the cold water pump where I, and several friends, would tip our heads upside down and wet our hair under the freezing cold water in order that we could wash it. That sort of shenanigans is fine for 14-year olds at sleepaway camp, but not at all fine for 32-year olds who (again, apartment dwellers, don't flip out) have to PAY for water (like garbage, apparently it is not free).

I don't know what power source creates the hot water, but environment be damned, I am considering amping that shit up. I have been very content to live as old-timey folks do, you know, in a house and not a sturdier structure like a building, but I shall not take to boiling water in all available pans merely so there is enough for the washin'. There. I have said my piece.

Nopropos: I have always been a fan, but sheesh, Bob Barker is AWESOME! Suck it, Japan!

Does Any Of Us Have A Job Anymore?

I must update this blog and then read the updates of the blogs I have linked to.

I must, when the urge strikes, tweet my thoughts, and read the tweets of others (and can I just say that I understand none of the other tweets - this is probably my age but between the @s and the #s and the bit.lys, it's not even remotely language anymore - one in a tweet is ok, but when you @ a # with a .ly, my mind just cannot keep up anymore and, more to the point, I cease to find you informative and just find you annoying).

I upload photos to flickr and then take the time to look at the uploads of my friends (and I don't even have that many, thank god).

But then I read an article which tells me to check out a site, and I read a post that references another site, and all of a sudden what was once a manageable amount of time wasting has become a vocation (and kudos to the lucky few who have monetized this sort of thing).

I would like to read all of these things and look at the pretty pictures and comment on things, but I just don't seem to have the time to do that and also cook meals, WiiWorkout, speak 10-20 words to devoted partner and listen to 10-20 words in response, etc. etc.

In the end, I skim. And I HATE skimming. Skimming is only effective for horrible drivel assigned to you in poetry class, you know the stuff written by some stuffy be-courderoyed idiot who thinks he has the intel on Yeats. Pick up the main points, regurgitate them in a paper, and be done with it. But I WANT to concentrate on the media I favor. And I like discovering new media to be digested. But everyone seems to update all the time and I barely have enough time to update myself.

I guess I could buy a netbook and then, in the evenings, devoted partner and I could sit on the couch together with the television on in the background, each with a computer in front of us, perusing websites, but I kind of don't like the way that looks.

So I ask for help, since a lot of you seem to make time for this site, it makes me assume you make time for others. From whence that time? And are you concerned about getting fired?

Nopropos: I tried wearing blush yesterday, but I felt like an idiot. I am going to pretend my tan is still dark enough that I can get away with bare skin. I am however two days and counting on mascara.

Edited to add: crap, and that doesn't even count learning how to tag things - a concept which I have attempted to embrace, but obviously suck at.

The Other New Year's Resolutions

Everyone is back to the grind today along with all the resolutions for the new year: "I will lose 100 pounds while working out every day, quitting smoking and white flour, finding a man to marry, and getting serious about recycling."

Admirable. But not the whole story. What about the minor resolutions? Why do they get such short shrift? Sure, remembering to call your grandmother once a month might not be as momentous as dropping six dress sizes, but if you make it the whole year having remembered, once a month, to see if your grandmother is still alive (hi, Grandma, I call you at least once every 2-3 weeks because I love you! note: Grandma does not use the internet), that's worthy of the happy feeling of a job well done.

In this spirit, I would like to share with you my other New Year's resolutions:

1. I will wash my face. Every day. At least once.
   
2. I will make a really good stab at flossing regularly (is weekly considered regularly?).
   
3. I will (a)handwash my unmentionables when I take them off at night so that I may (b)wear the emergency Hanes Her Way cotton jobs less frequently which will enable me to (c)throw out the Hanes Her Way cotton jobs that really should not be worn by a person without a medical condition.
   
4. I will realize that even though the temperature feels like 10 degrees outside, this is not carte blanche to leave my house looking homeless.
   
5. I will not consider floss the enemy.
   
6. I will not, throughout 2010, eat a loaf of bread in one sitting and consider it a meal.
   
7. I will take the $400 I would have blown at the Manolo Blahnik winter sale and put it into the vacation savings account.
   
8. I will consider doing likewise at the Manolo Blahnik summer sale.
   
9. I will get up at least two days a month and go take pictures of something. I will attempt to improve my skills (z?). This will be my dedicated taking pictures of stuff time, but will not preclude me from taking pictures other times.
   
10. I will stock more than one roll of floss at a time so that when one roll is finished, I can not use my lack of floss as an excuse to not floss.
    
11. I will change the polish on my toes more frequently than every time I either (a)go on vacation or (b)go to a wedding.
    
12. I will use my new hair dryer at least once a week. This will help me to look not homeless even as it means I have to spend more time "doing myself up."
    
13. I will throw out papers on my desk once their usefulness has expired - I'm looking at you car payment reminder from September.
    
14. I will schedule an appointment to go to the dentist even as this means I will be chastised for my lack of flossing. I will remind the dentist that I am resolved to change this.
    
15. I will throw out the plastic shoe boxes that I bought at The Container Store six years ago that I hated from the start and which now stand empty because I have two double-door closets in which I may store my shoes, on a dedicated ledge, covered by their shoe bags to prevent dustiness. This will let me see that I do not expressly need to visit the Manolo Blahnik winter or summer sales as I already own a satisfactory number of shoes.
    
16. I will further remind myself that my calves are currently too "shapely" to fit into the pair of knee-high Manolo Blahnik boots I already own and that even were they on sale, I do not need a similar pair in brown. Not until they would, you know, fit.
    
17. I will get the battery in my watch changed. It's been about five years. It might be time.
    
18. I will understand that healthy teeth are important and that I would look really really bad without my teeth. This will help me understand the importance of flossing and, studies show, would decrease the amount of blood I spit out when I brush.
    
19. I will not pick my nose while seated at my desk and consider any paper product "close enough" to a tissue. I will walk my fat ass to the bathroom for actual tissue.
    
20. I will remember that, based on the number of packages shipped to our house during the holidays, my Amazon Prime membership has, already, paid for itself. This should help me to avoid purchasing things from Amazon multiple times per week (day) simply because I have Amazon Prime. I will deposit the savings into the vacation savings account.
    
21. I will wear my existing pairs of Manolo Blahnik shoes more often, even in winter, because, by doing so, I will be reminded that it would not be a tragedy if 2010 was a year without a new pair.
    
22. I have lived in Greenwich for five months. I will finally get a parking pass and stop paying daily. I will deposit the difference in price into the vacation savings account.
    
23. I will make recipes from the cookbooks I already have before buying new cookbooks simply because I "like the pictures."
    
24. I will realize that it is better to have the gross "floss gunk" on my fingers than where it was before, stuck between my teeth.
    
25. In an effort to look less homeless, I will wear at least a tiny bit of makeup when I go to work.
    
26. I will not purchase the Crest Pro-Health toothpaste again because the tube does not close and leaks all over the bathroom.
    
27. I will no longer anthropomorphize my muffin top. No one is laughing.
    
28. I will attempt to be at peace with Cablevision, even as they, without warning, took away FoodTV and HGTV. I will cease all thoughts of violent retribution and remind myself that FoodTV sucks, HGTV was fast becoming a dangerous obsession, and that living with privation is a part of life. (I will continue to hope that Time Warner Cable comes to my town.)
    
29. I will get my car washed every 4-6 weeks. It costs 10 bucks and it makes the car look so nice and well taken care of.
    
30. I will stop looking at pictures of people my age on Facebook and commenting on the sorry state of their skin. It is not a nice habit. I should be happy that I inherited good skin genes and not look at others and say, "what, they don't have sunscreen where you live?" Other people's wrinkles in no way ameliorate my fat.
    
31. I will not have 50 pounds of citrus shipped to me this winter. I have enough citrus zest in my freezer to last a lifetime and I will never use it. I will buy citrus when I need it. They stock the same brand in the stores now, I don't need to order from the source.
    
32. I will stop thinking of activities like flossing, face washing, hair drying, and makeup application as time stealers. After all, now that I no longer have HGTV, I have some extra time on my hands.
    
33. I will pack the books I clearly am not taking to be donated in a box and put them in the attic. That is what attics are for, and they look ugly just stacked on top of my shelves.
    
34. I will do the hand laundry backlog, frightening though it is, in shifts, if needs be.
    
35. I will wear my perfume more often. It was a gift and, as I discovered, will go bad after five or so years if not used so that using it is less of a waste than not using it.
    
36. I will seriously consider liking a less expensive brand of perfume.
    
37. I will get Kate her Christmas presents before the boy's birthday. That gives me 6 weeks.
    
38. I will round up all the shot, but undeveloped film from, presumably 2000-2002, and have it developed. I will hope there is nothing incriminating on any of the rolls.
    
39. When I get home today I will make lemon curd before the lemons go bad. Because Meyer lemons are expensive and waste is stupid.
    
40. Likewise, I will waste less produce overall. If this means more frequent trips to the store to buy fewer things, so be it.
    
41. I will throw out the white chocolate that is so stale as to make it nearly impossible to work with. I will treat this as a learning experience and stop buying white chocolate, which I use infrequently, in 22lb. sacks.
    
42. I will throw out clothing that has holes in it. So that I may look less homeless.
    
43. I will throw out devoted partner's clothing that has holes in it (while he is not looking and with one or two notable sentimental exceptions). So that I may look less like a person who dates homeless people.
    
44. I will impulse shop less at whole foods (marinated peppers), and when I do, I will make sure I use the impulsively shopped item before it goes bad (marinated peppers).
    
45. Similarly, I will empty the fridge of items that have gone bad. Even when it is not garbage day. I will simply haul my ass downstairs and deposit the bag in the can. Which is outside. Where I cannot smell it.
    
46. I will have a fridge that has only edible products in it. And weed. No. I did not write that.
    
47. I will remember to put the coupon my mother lovingly clipped for me for $1.00 off jello pudding into my wallet, so that I will have it when I get to the store to buy yet more sugar-free jello cinnamon rice pudding, and will then be able to save $1.00.
    
48. I will buy some sriracha - many fridges I have looked into recently have it and I feel left out.
    
49. I will endeavor to floss my teeth regularly (at least every other day) and definitely after ingesting something that has poppy seeds in it, or similar.
    
50. I will not blog another list for at least two weeks as I think I've pretty well mined the genre for the time being.