Absences

When I started this I wanted to write every weekday, and I've mostly kept to that schedule. Some of you may have noticed, though, that there have been a couple of missed days recently. Those are my chocolate days.

On a chocolate day, I get up around 7:00am and by 8:30am I am already covered in chocolate - and you can take it from devoted partner this is not a sexy-covered-in-chocolate thing at all. I work pretty much straight through, filling the time during which the chocolate has to reach temper by making ganache or caramel or a batch of pates de fruit. I do not stop and check email or even, generally, eat or use the bathroom. It just seems to be the way I work. At night - generally between 7:00pm and 9:00pm, I finish, search for a starch and a seat, and sometimes take a washcloth to my chocolate parts. This is a day in the life of my little chocolate niche.

I've been busy this December for the first time in a long while, and that has been nice. But, having been away from the process, I'm looking at it with new eyes, and these eyes do not like what they see. The meticulous way that I make my confections makes them take a really long time. Over the years, I have tried to be ever so slightly less exacting, but the fact is, every piece has my hands on it at some point in its lifecycle. As I think about the future, I realize this might be unsustainable. I can't imagine that the successful chocolate makers I see are physically interacting with each piece produced under their auspices.

This passes the time while I decorate, or stir, or clean.

This week should be the last production week - I have some outstanding orders and some personal ones, oh, and a whole bunch of people are coming to my house on Saturday and I expect they'll want to eat something. So I didn't write on Friday and I apologize - I hope this was a decent excuse.

Raining and Pouring

Pates de Fruit
Pates de fruit: pomegranate/pistachio, pb&j
Originally uploaded by reallyct

Apropos for the northeast today, no (she asks as she drips dry)? My confectionery ambitions have been tested by the economic downturn, but more by my seeming inability to concentrate on the job of selling what I make as opposed to simply making what I make.

I won't lie, the making is the easy part. For all my narcissism, I am horrid at self-promotion. Plugging my wares seems so, well, "look at me" which it's supposed to be. That's how you sell things. There's also a healthy dose of fear which says that if I try my hardest and fail, isn't that much worse than not trying and sort of failing? These are not personality traits I am proud of.

So I'd like to thank the friends and family who, in the past day, have tried to throw some business my way. Even if I get one of the jobs, it would be a huge deal after a year that has seen practically zero activity. I hope it might re-motivate me as well.

I have always like to think of myself as someone unafraid and resilient, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that there needs to be more experimental evidence to back that statement up. Sure, there have been examples of fearlessness and bounce back-ability, but I'm not sure there have been enough to make such a declarative, nor do I think those are two qualities that permit resting on one's laurels.

With so much else having changed for the better this year, I am going to renew my efforts to change my business for the better. I don't like the idea of failure, but I think the idea of coasting as a lifestyle choice is even more abhorrent to me.

End philosophical self-indulgence.