True Believers, Doubt, and Clubs I Don't Belong To

I watched Food Inc. over the weekend while devoted partner went to see Avatar (the key to a successful relationship is knowing how to consume media alone that your partner would sooner swallow his own tongue than consume with you and vice versa). If you've read The Omnivore's Dilemma you don't need to see this film (and if you haven't read it, you should). I really liked the book. I mean really liked it. Liked it enough to change my eating habits. Really. And I liked the author, Michael Pollan, for taking the time to research and put together a compelling, intelligent book about an important issue.

Well that was then and this is now.

Remember that South Park episode where everyone gets a Prius and can't get enough of the scent of his own flatulence?...

Well Pollan has gone from someone who wrote a book I liked to someone I cringe at when I see on television. It honestly doesn't help that he looks like a proto-Trotsykite, but he comes across as someone who doesn't allow for modifications to his ideas. Like someone who is convinced that his way is the only way for everyone everywhere and that people who don't agree are not only wrong, but dangerous. He comes across like a...

like a...

like a conservative republican.

For my part, let me say that I don't want to eat cloned food or GMO food or food that comes from McDonald's. Some of these things have good reasons, others don't, but they're my reasons (which devoted partner is sadly subject to more often than perhaps he would like) and I'll live by them. Unless we are ok with the death by starvation of lots and lots of people (Indians, Africans, etc.), we're going to have to come to terms with the fact that GMO food allows us to literally MAKE FOOD WHERE ONCE THERE WAS NO FOOD. I'm sure if you ask a starving person to choose between no food and cloned food, the person will choose cloned food. Even if, ultimately, science points out that this was the wrong decision, for the time being, those are the choices. For poor people. Chalk up another win for being not poor. And frankly, it smacks a little of paternalism to tell poor hungry people that the food we COULD give them is bad and ruins the environment and causes a whole host of problems. That starving poor person DOES NOT CARE. Pollan's argument that we SHOULD pay more for better food is only compelling if you have that option.

So here's the problem: I am a pretty liberal person. I agree with Michael Pollan about a lot of things. But I am unwilling to blindly follow him when I disagree with some of his points. Furthermore my disagreement with some of his points does not mean I don't find MOST of his points highly agreeable. Yet my disagreement with some of his points can lead his opponents to show that there is dissension in the ranks. Dissension, even measured, open-to-debate, searching dissension is a sign of weakness. The traditional wisdom (or traditional politics these days) stipulates that unless you can get on board 100% with your talking head of choice, his message isn't strong enough. Any disagreement discredits him.

Which brings me to the clubs I don't belong to. Spend fifteen minutes with me and you'll probably come away from it realizing I don't like groups. In fact, you might determine that I hate groups. That I think groups are the root of most evils. That were we to come up with a Linnaeus system for culture, mine would look like this: Human -> American -> Dalton Alum. Those are about the only three groups I am comfortable belonging to (an argument could be made for New Yorker, but again, seeing as that, of necessity, includes people from the non-Manhattan boroughs - ok, so I could include Manhattanite, but that would, of necessity, include people like the characters from Sex & the City - see how it gets complicated?). I might agree with a majority of the democratic platform, I might be a registered democrat, but I would never define myself as Democrat. Because in doing so I am telling people something about myself that isn't true: that my identity is mightily impacted by participation in that group. That I see my identity through the lens of that group. See also: feminist, environmentalist, libertarian, jew, liberal, etc.

A lot of this is probably narcissism of the no group defines me I am unique and special unto myself variety, but I spent too much time growing up being part of groups without a choice and I saw exactly how much time was spent ensuring that members of said group remained members of that group. That the primary aim of the group was to remain a group. It didn't take long for me to call shenanigans on that. (It was the same feeling I got when I worked for a non-profit, but my boss refused to take public transportation and instead charged her cabs to the organization - another 30 bucks not used for its mission.)

And this pains me. It pains me because I think Michael Pollan is more right than wrong. Hell, I think President Obama is more right than wrong, but because I, knowing full well that my lack of full-throated support (on the macro level) is ultimately detrimental, can't seem to muster the strength to jump on the bandwagon, I fear that the things I believe in are destined to fail because the opposition is so incredibly willing to blind itself for its causes.

And just to go back to Food Inc. for a second. The moment that really got me, that really really made me shit-tossing mad was this: a statistic was quoted that in 1970 (or 1972) the USDA made something like 25,000 inspections of meat processors and in 2006, they made 9,000 something. In the VERY NEXT SCREEN, we were told that in 1970 (or 1972) there were over 1,000 companies processing meat and that in 2006 something like 98% of all meat was processed by 4 companies. Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait...

OF COURSE THERE WERE FEWER INSPECTIONS IF THERE WERE FEWER COMPANIES DOING THE JOB! I MEAN OF COURSE! IN FACT IF ONLY FOUR COMPANIES WERE INSPECTED 10,000 TIMES, THOSE COMPANIES WERE ACTUALLY INSPECTED MORE FREQUENTLY IN 2006 THAN IN 1970!

[end crazy]

Yeah, what I just said does nothing to excuse the meat companies from continuing to turn out tainted meat, but the statistic that was supposed to make me gasp in horror, was just plain misleading. The kind of misleading bullshit that the right uses ALL THE FLIPPING TIME. I just can't get on board with that. And the fact that a documentary whose sole aim was to say things I agree with would resort to such intentionally clumsy and lazy crap made me want to cram out of season strawberries down my gullet like they were going out of style just for spite. Counterproductive, I know.

So in short, my dear friends, and those new enemies I've picked up in the last paragraphs, I have a Caesar's Wife Should Be Beyond Reproach problem, and it prevents me from getting on board with groups, both formal and informal, whose platforms I agree with. And if I'm having this problem, I suspect others are too. It might be the reason why the left is always accused of being all over the place. We are. Nuance is our vice. Doubt our bedfellow. But I don't think the answer, the long-term answer, is to become as imprecise and disingenuous as the right can be. I'd like to posit an alternative, but I sadly don't have one at the moment. I'm working on it.

The Results Show

Yes, it is a cop-out to make today's post simply the results from Tuesday's post, but I'm in a slight funk - so much so that my inaugural Tim Horton's 'donut' was thrown out half eaten cause it just wasn't any different from a Dunkin' 'donut.' And who really throws out donuts? Maybe it's because I found a desk and the guy who is selling it hasn't responded; maybe it's because I found myself in a cigar bar sipping bourbon and salivating over the man's cigar at the next table; maybe it's because I can no longer even pretend it's still summer-ish. Whatever the reasons, I have decided to take it out on you. Especially since not one of you summoned the 2 minutes it would have taken to choose T/F on my list. For the record, devoted partner, in a valiant effort, scored an AMAZING 15/20. Well played, son, well played.

1. I loved barbie and paper dolls as a child, but only for the fashions. I never constructed elaborate stories for them. My favorites were the Carmen Miranda paper dolls (which I found on ebay and repurchased as an adult) and the Oscar de la Renta collection for Barbie. - Absolutely TRUE. The Carmen Miranda paper dolls are boss! I also had Princess Diana and, no lie, Nancy Reagan by the same publisher. Neither was as cool as Carmen
   
2. The reason I don't wear lots of jewelery is that I have an allergic reaction to anything that isn't a precious metal resting on my skin; ergo I wear my earrings which are gold and diamond and nothing else. - FALSE. And frankly lame. Sorry about that.
   
3. I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch every day (with rare exceptions) from kindergarten through seventh grade. - TRUE. My parents practiced an ancient form of child abuse known as kosher. Kosher discriminates against prosciutto, scallops, and cheeseburgers and, in rare cases like my brother and me, produces evil children who cackle while they stuff pig's feet and veal thalamus gland into their heretical faces.
   
4. I had a pet goldfish that I won at a fair that lived with us for five years. - Patently FALSE. Though the tiny turtles I bought off some guy in Columbus circle held on for more than 6 months.
   
5. My first celebrity crush was Ricky Schroeder and I developed several unhealthy fantasies about his indoor train. - Yeah, FALSE. As befits a creepy misfit like myself, I'm pretty sure that my first celebrity crush was Sean Connery.
   
6. I pretend I finished Infinite Jest, but really, thought it was so bad from the start that I gave up after five pages - I judge it harshly as if I had read the whole thing. TRUE. See also Franzen, The Corrections. This hype, I fear, is not to be believed.
   
7. I have a subscription to Cosmopolitan Magazine and I hide it like pornography when it arrives at the house. -FALSE. If I don't know all the secret secrets to secretly turning my man on (hint, it involves a word that begins with fell and ends with atio) by now, there's probably no hope for me.
   
8. I don't have a compelling "where were you on September 11th" story because I was watching Beverly Hills, 90210 reruns on F/X. - TRUE. I made an excellent unemployed person.
   
9. I was accepted to the vocal program at Juiliard with scholarship and didn't go because I wanted to have sex with boys at college. - FALSE. Didn't apply because I was under the assumption that if one could get into a place like Amherst, one didn't apply to art school. Art school was for people who couldn't go to brain school.
   
10. My brother got DNA testing that verified that we, like others of Lebanese extraction, are of direct Phoenician descent. Sadly, no Ghengis Khan link yet. - FALSE, but I so wish it was true. "I'm half Cherokee, what are you?" "Phoenician, bitches. What do you say to that?"
    
11. I love Chef Olivier's Foie Gras torchon, the Steak Frites at Balthazar and the chocolate fondant recipe I ganked from Daniel, but the meal I'd eat every day for the rest of my life is two slices of Mimi's Pizza. - TRUE. So clearly true. It takes every ounce of willpower I can muster not to have a slice for breakfast on my way to work.
    
12. I have never seen E.T. - FALSE, I just didn't think it was the masterpiece of our youth. I don't know what I think was the masterpiece of our youth, but this was a little too saccharine for me (even as a tot).
    
13. When my parents asked me what I wanted to do for my 25th birthday, I said "Cookie Puss." - TRUE. I think I've been fairly up front about my eating disorder. Also, it's not like had I said, "Babbo," we would have done that instead.
    
14. When I found out Giuliani was running for president I re-registered as a Republican so I could vote for him in the primaries; I switched back to the democrats when there was no hope he'd be our next president. - FALSE, but could have easily been true. I've said it before and I'll say it again. He might be a fascist, but he's my kind of fascist.
    
15. I had a short article published in the National Review and never told anyone because I was so embarrassed. - FALSE, but also could have been true. For the record, a piece I wrote in a college magazine about needing some kind of structure vis a vis requirements for humanities majors (i.e. one shouldn't be able to graduate with a degree in history if one only took courses in the history of Holland), was referenced in a U.S. News and World Report article about standards in higher education, and then referenced by about 1001 nutjob crazy conservative rags as proof that gay poetry and the socioeconomics of Burundi were ruining our children.
    
16. I own stock in exactly one company and the original certificate was a gift. - TRUE. Drink Pepsi, people!
    
17. I haven't done hand laundry in about six months. There is still an unpacked box of dirty unmentionables. I don't know what you're talking about (TRUE).
    
18. I don't believe in alien visits, ghosts, spirits, god, fairies (whichever way you choose to spell it), but I do believe I am distant cousins with Shakira. - TRUE. Both have Lebanese Christian ancestors. We must be related. My hips, as well, have been known not to spread falsehood.
    
19. Because Jamie could do it, I spent several weeks teaching myself pi to 40 places. - FALSE. Beating Jamie for valedictory speaker in a landslide means I don't really ever have to compete with him again. He can have pi. (Also, he'll definitely have a book published before I will which I hope, will forever dull the pain of losing out to me in the speechifying department.)
    
20. My dad took me shopping for my first bra. - TRUE. Have you met my mother?
    

Tagged. Memed.

It was bound to happen and I'm so unprepared. I've been tagged and now I have to come up with content and other people to pass the ball to. Aidan of Ivy League Insecurities delivered unto my inbox this fun invitation to do a little Honest Scrapping. Aidan and I went to high school together, but in different grades and different circles (though this probably implies vast clique gulfs a la The Breakfast Club, whereas our small school really didn't have the ability to support entirely separate social ecosystems), and we rediscovered one another through the wily evils of Facebook. She has a book getting ready to be released (which is, frankly, a far too awesome accomplishment for me to even be able to muster the tiniest bit of envy; I'm just kinda slack-jawed and 'woah' about it) called BlackBerry Girl, which I have no shame in plugging because people should read more books written by smart people!

But back to the task at hand (do you see how I was able to dissemble for a whole paragraph?). Ok, so there are rules to our game. I am supposed to share 10 honest things about myself and then tag seven other bloggers whose writing I find honest. Ok. I think I can do this, but I'm going to mix it up a little. I'm giving you twenty things, half of which are untrue; you see if you can decide which is which. I'll post the answers at the end of the week. Hmmm, I wonder if that makes me less honest than the other participants. And you should go read Aidan's, cause number 10 is going to blow you away!

1. I loved barbie and paper dolls as a child, but only for the fashions. I never constructed elaborate stories for them. My favorites were the Carmen Miranda paper dolls (which I found on ebay and repurchased as an adult) and the Oscar de la Renta collection for Barbie.
   
2. The reason I don't wear lots of jewelery is that I have an allergic reaction to anything that isn't a precious metal resting on my skin; ergo I wear my earrings which are gold and diamond and nothing else.
   
3. I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch every day (with rare exceptions) from kindergarten through seventh grade.
   
4. I had a pet goldfish that I won at a fair that lived with us for five years.
   
5. My first celebrity crush was Ricky Schroeder and I developed several unhealthy fantasies about his indoor train.
   
6. I pretend I finished Infinite Jest, but really, thought it was so bad from the start that I gave up after five pages - I judge it harshly as if I had read the whole thing.
   
7. I have a subscription to Cosmopolitan Magazine and I hide it like pornography when it arrives at the house.
   
8. I don't have a compelling "where were you on September 11th" story because I was watching Beverly Hills, 90210 reruns on F/X.
   
9. I was accepted to the vocal program at Juiliard with scholarship and didn't go because I wanted to have sex with boys at college.
   
10. My brother got DNA testing that verified that we, like others of Lebanese extraction, are of direct Phoenician descent. Sadly, no Ghengis Khan link yet.
    
11. I love Chef Olivier's Foie Gras torchon, the Steak Frites at Balthazar and the chocolate fondant recipe I ganked from Daniel, but the meal I'd eat every day for the rest of my life is two slices of Mimi's Pizza.
    
12. I have never seen E.T.
    
13. When my parents asked me what I wanted to do for my 25th birthday, I said "Cookie Puss."
    
14. When I found out Giuliani was running for president I re-registered as a Republican so I could vote for him in the primaries; I switched back to the democrats when there was no hope he'd be our next president.
    
15. I had a short article published in the National Review and never told anyone because I was so embarrassed.
    
16. I own stock in exactly one company and the original certificate was a gift.
    
17. I haven't done hand laundry in about six months. There is still an unpacked box of dirty unmentionables.
    
18. I don't believe in alien visits, ghosts, spirits, god, fairies (whichever way you choose to spell it), but I do believe I am distant cousins with Shakira.
    
19. Because Jamie could do it, I spent several weeks teaching myself pi to 40 places.
    
20. My dad took me shopping for my first bra.

Have at it, my internet friends. I like to think these are tricky, so let's see how you do. In the meantime, the following seven people are on my honesty hit list:

Jamie because he'll never do it, but is honest to a fault (except when it comes to insignificant anecdotes, in which case, did he tell you about the time he...?)

Sarah whose older brother was my first non-celebrity crush

Jon and Heather who, adorable, apple-eating small child notwithstanding, should update more

Erica whose life seems busy right now what with baby, baby on the way, and remodel, so she should have time for this

Clay who will definitely be more interesting than I am

Ethan who needs no encouragement but should

Marina who also has lots of free time now that her son has turned 1 - I mean they're pretty self-sufficient by that time, right?