What I Learned This Weekend

If I buy nothing else this autumn, I must have a camel coat. This important bit of information courtesy of Andrew, fashion designer and excellent Waldorf to my Statler. I spent the weekend in the Berkshires chez Amy ('s parents) and I must admit I had trepidation: after all, there were going to be an astonishing number of people with dietary habits I rebuke. Thankfully Andrew, while himself the possessor of food, shall we call them, peccadilloes, was content to use the energy he saved by not masticating meat and using it to be snarky with me about, well, everything. Apologies to our fellow guests.

The second thing I learned was that a dog, no matter how awesome, playful, gorgeous, fluffy, and big, does not quite replace a devoted partner. When I learned that the Greatest Bernese Mountain Dog Ever was joining us, I may (or may not have) squealed like a cartoon character, and while dog and I did some masterful playing, she just wasn't enough of a replacement for my awesome, playful, gorgeous, fluffy, and big human companion (Amy, please note the ultimate commas). That being said, I need a dog badly. Those things are awesome! Even Hogie, the smaller dog of oodle provenance, gets my heart pitter-pattering (also he is a surprisingly un-annoying small dog and quite adorable; also he does not bark).

But the final thing I learned was more a confirmation of prejudices long-held: vegetarians...WTF?

You know when you talk to vegetarians and they try to tell you that they have entrees just like normal people? It's a lie. Vegetarians do, in fact, eat like rabbits. They nibble from assortments of dishes that can only be described as salads. I don't know if eating 3 different kinds of salad at one sitting can be justified as a meal, I think it sounds a lot more like the unlimited salad at Olive Garden. And the salads all taste more or less the same. Which is understandable given the ingredient limitations (god help you if the people are also vegan). In the grand scheme of things, lentils and mung beans with tomato vinaigrette taste enough the same as rice with tomatoes in a lemon vinaigrette as to not really require two separate dishes.

When you see a plate composed of a quadrant for arugula, a quadrant for grilled vegetables, a quadrant for rice salad, and a quadrant for lentil salad it hits you that these people must be kidding. Now I am not as adamant about meat for every meal as devoted partner is, and quite frankly there is a lot in the pasta world that I enjoy meatless, but the above plate as your daily supper? Come on!

So, I'm sorry, god of tolerance, but I now have first-hand knowledge that the not-eating of meat is precisely the ridiculousity I always thought it was.