Resolving

As much as I like to feel immune from group-thought, I will admit that the new year inspires change in me. Some of the change is illogical - I know that no matter how many times the New Balance butt slimming sneakers are advertised on TV they won't actually slim my butt - and other is entered into in the spirit of renewal that a new year brings. 2011 will, of necessity, be momentous, and I have a lot of anxiety, both personal and logistical about that.

I think, though, that the idea of new year's resolutions is more about the thought process than the doing. I can certainly buy an elliptical machine and vow to use it daily, but the thoughts behind that possibility are more valuable. Identifying that exercise, though abhorrent to me, is something I should be doing, and identifying the reasons for the should is important.

Then there are the intangibles. Looking at who I am as a person and thinking about what changes will benefit me intellectually and emotionally. This is more challenging because the purchase of an elliptical can't get at the heart of these changes. Thinking about what makes me happy, what will make me happy, and what can make me happy, are thoughts that are often sabotaged by fear which in turn breeds inaction. Using the new year to jumpstart these thoughts is useful even if their fruit bears down the road.

I will do my best not to use this platform to babble too incoherently about wedding planning and weight loss, though both of those things will use some mental space this year, but I ask for some leeway when the musings hit me. For all the truth there is in how our lives have been married-like for some time, there is also truth in how actually marrying brings changes and challenges that we have, until now, been able to put aside. The less fleeting these thoughts are, the better I will be able to address them, and the less likely I will be to ignore them.

In the meantime, happy new year to you all.