It's that time again. That time when I wonder why, if you intend to not answer your phone, you leave it audible. To the man on the train somewhere behind me this morning who chose to let his voicemail notification beep ceaselessly, you know that tummy trouble Nicaragua gave me? I hope you get it. For a month. I know a lot of you think my Giuliani-esque quality of life mobile phone tirades are, well, tiresome, but it comes down to sheer civility: don't, for lack of effort, be a douche. This goes for the people who have their phones turned up to Headbanger and then wait until the fourth ring to answer. It has also prompted me to select my next phone primarily for the feature where you can choose any sound you want as your ring. This will be mine! Because I am a child. An immature, petulant, vengeful child.
And while we're on children, and commuting, I have some questions for the parents out there: is rush-hour the bestest time to drag all seven of your mewling brood on a train and then ignore them as they literally step on the poor working stiffs who just need to make it into the office? I'm not saying you should all go live on an island, but if you're going to use public facilities, please take a moment to prep your kids in advance that public is different from private and that indoor voices and behavior are not up for debate. This will be greatly helped by your NOT giving your larva copious amounts of sugary junk food while you ride the train. I know it shuts them up, but 4 year-olds do not need Skittles at 9am. EVER.
But your issues' ill-manners are nothing compared to the alarming trend I notice vis a vis their comfort. I am a city girl and until I was a teenager I never got an effin' seat on the train/bus. Seats were for grownups. Who work for a living. I stood from the time I was too big to be on a lap until the time I was as tall as a gronwup. On the subway. When it was crowded. Through the curving track bits. Why is this no longer the case? The number of perfectly able to stand children I see sprawled across subway seats while grownups, some of them frankly old and infirm, stand is enough to make me rethink my subcontinental birth control theories. Children should be the first commuters ousted from seats when the ousting occurs and you parents should be doing the ousting and using it as a valuable teaching moment courtesy of The Rolling Stones: thou canst always gets what thou wantst. You'll thank me later when your overindulged progeny gets to the age of acquisitiveness.
Hmmm...it's possible I woke up on the wrong side of the moat this morning.
2 weeks ago