Why Television Is Bad For Parents

I can malign her all I want, she's not really good at navigating the interwebs.

My mom took the opportunity this morning to tell me that she had heard on the news last night that the town of Rye, New York has experienced a rash of burglaries. Apparently, the burglars steal garage door openers from cars parked in the driveways, but not garages, of homes and use them to gain access to the homes themselves.

Ergo, I should no longer keep my garage door opener in my car.

But mom, I say, my car stays in the garage, not the driveway. A burglar would have to break into the garage to break into my car (thereby obviating the need to break into the car at all since he would already have gained access to the house).

Mom reminds me that the burglar could steal my garage door opener while my car is parked at the train station.

I remind her that, while what she says is technically true, the burglar in that scenario wouldn't have any idea what house my garage door opener was for - since I was parked in a public parking lot.

Mother says, with an alarming measure of seriousness, that the burglar could have been stalking me.

I posit that the same could hold true of her house keys. She goes to yoga and presumably leaves her house keys in a locker. A burglar, who stalks her from the moment she leaves her apartment building, could follow her to yoga, steal her keys, return to the apartment building, and gain entry to her apartment, finally robbing her.

Mother did not find this scenario at all likely.

I may have mentioned that her scenario was equally unlikely.

We agreed to disagree.